Doing something for my own enjoyment and benefit, selfish?

I completely understand where you are coming from. Please don't feel alone. You aren't although you feel very much alone. How old is your new child? I have three children - two from a previous relationship and now another from a new relationship. My new child is now 6 months old. I also felt alone and unaccomplished a few months ago. All I can tell you is "baby steps." It will get better. It can't get worse, right? The best you can do is make a plan and set goals for yourself. Get a little done each day. Maybe you can't return to school just yet but sometime soon you can and you will be able to focus more of your attention on it. Ask your husband to help you and be sure you have at least 30 minutes a day to yourself to do something that makes you feel good. For me, it's taking a long soak in the bath with candles and soft music playing loud enough to drown everything else out. I too am feeding BUT although they say that feeding is best it is not best if you feel trapped. Try to see if you can supplement with formula so you can have some time to yourself every so often. It won't be easy. My baby fought but I kept trying and now he takes either / or and happily. He is healthy and I am happier. When you get that done, ask you Mom or your husband to watch him for the Drivers Test and get that done. Little things are big accomplishments for now. Get yourself ready to be able to eventually return to school. You can even check into on-line school from home if that works for you. There are options. But first and foremost, take a little bit every day so you can just be sane. I know how you feel. All will p. I don't remember it being this hard with my others either. Each baby is different. Keep in mind that they grow so quickly and you want to enjoy this time but you need to take care of you too. You may not be able to have it all now, but a little bit is good.....for now.